


Part of Your World

by MonMonClown



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst and Humor, Drug Use, Humanstuck, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Sexual Content, mentioned death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 14:17:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/724245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonMonClown/pseuds/MonMonClown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas is a runaway kid who's best friend asks him to come to his place all the way from Missouri to Illinois. The trip isn't quite easy at first but it turns out to be the most important decision of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the short first chapter, I'll try to make the next ones better, mkay'?  
> Special thanks to my friend for helping me a little bit with this!  
> I hope you enjoy.  
> Ps. Please, do not care about how many of these titles will be named as a disney songs.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you have just ran away from home. Or maybe you should just call it as a moving away without any place to go or any other plans. You have just had enough. Your parents seems to hate you since they yell at you everyday. And sometimes they beat the shit out of you. You don't have any friends at school and your teachers doesn't even know you exist or if they do, they just don't care how you come to school with a black eye or with lots of bruises all over your body. All of them hates you. But not as much as you hate yourself. Your life has been balance between the thoughts that you are the most miserable human being on earth and that you are the only person in the universe with brains.  
So here you are. It's dark and and rainy outside so you nearly jump to the last bus which leaves from your small hometown in the middle of Missouri. You pay 20 dollars for the driver and when he rises his eyebrows at you, you murmur something like:  
\- What the fuck are you looking at? Never mind, keep the change...  
Then you go sit and let deep sigh. You don't care where does this bus takes you. You just want to go away from your parents, your school and leave this whole town behind your back.  
Since you don't sleep almost at all, the warmth and darkness in the bus is making you want to shut your eyelids for just a couple of... Minutes.  
  
  
Next time when you open your eyes, the bright sunlight is shining right into your eyes through the window. You yawn quietly and then you shout it:  
\- Fuck!  
You fallen asleep by accident and that makes you angry. But on the other hand, what doesn't? Then you look out of the window and notice that the bus has parked to the gas station which has a cafe which looks like it's from 50's. Why didn't the driver woke you up? No wait, you think you already know the answer. It's not the first time when the driver doesn't notice you.  
You grab your bag and go outside. You don't enjoy the warmth and brightness of the spring so you run right in the cafe. You hate spring. At the cafe you buy the most horrible coffee you have ever tasted and then you open your laptop to see if there is any free wifi. For your luck, there is. It seems like few of your weird internet friends have been missing you while you were not online. The chat bar is full of unimportant messages which you delete right away. Suddenly, you get a new message. It's from  
your like said 'best friend'. Gamzee Makara.

TC: HeEeY bEsT fRiEnD!

You sigh deeply and answer to him. You hate the way he types. You don't even know why does he types like that. You have to write all in caps, since your caps lock is stuck.

CG: WHAT IS IT NOW FUCKASS.  
TC: cAn'T mOtHeRfUcKeR tAlK tO hIs BeSt BrO sInCe We HaVeN't TaLk FoR mOtHeRfUcKiNg AgEs?  
CG: LAST TIME WE TALKED WAS YESTERDAY, BUT IF YOU ARE SO FUCKING CLINGING ON ME, HELLO.

You two have some kind of conservation until you tell him everything about your escape and why did you do it. You don't really like to open up for someone but since he is your best friend... But you are not going to admit it.

TC: WhOa MaN, wHy DiD yOu LeAvE yOuR fUcKiNg HoMe?  
CG: I JUST TOLD YOU. MY LIFE IS AS PHATETIC EXCUSE OF LIVING PIECE OF SHIT AS I AM. ARE YOU BLIND OR JUST FUCKING STUPID?  
TC: sOrRy BrOtHeR :o) sO wHeRe YoU aT nOw?  
TC: CaUsE i WaS tHiNkInG tHaT sInCe yOu DoN't HaVe AnY mOtHeRfUcKiNg PlAcE tO gO bUt yOu HaVe A mIrAcUlOuSlY sHiT lOaDs Of TiMe, MaYbE yOu WaNnA cOmE tO mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg PlAcE

The whole idea of meeting Gamzee in real life is kind of exciting but at the same time it's making you nervous. You look out of the window to see any road signs but you see just one which says the name of the nearest city which you haven't ever heard of. But you know you are still in Missouri.

CG: ...WHERE DO YOU LIVE ANYWAY?  
TC: aT cHiCaGo IlLiNoIs.

Chicago is in the other state... But you don't actually have any better ideas for the rest of your life so you decide to take a risk.

CG: OKAY. I'M IN MISSOURI RIGHT NOW. SO THE TRIP WILL BE SO FUCKING LONG AND PAINFUL THAT YOU BETTER NOT TO BE AN ASSHAT WHEN WE MEET.  
TC: ThAt'S mOtHeRfUcKiN aWeSoMe! TaLk To Me WhEn YoU aRe NeAr BeSt FrIeNd :o)

You shut your laptop and put it back in your bag after you have drank your coffee. Now you have to think how do you get even near Illinois. You borrow some paper and pen from the waitress and write a sign which says 'CHICAGO'. Then you go outside standing with it. This whole idea is embarrassing but right now, you don't give a fuck because you are not going to stand in there for the whole day.  
It almost takes 3 hours before someone with a truck pulls over. Oh hell no. You have read about these perverts with trucks who gives a ride to a innocent people and they literally gives them a RIDE. But right now you can't be too picky, so you climb to the truck.  
The driver is very muscular guy with sunglasses and long black hair. You know that you can't escape anymore. Because that guy could rip you in two just with his bare hands.  
You and the driver do not talk quite much which is perfectly fine to you. But after small talk you do know that his name is Equius. And everything he says is kind of awkward. He says that he can take you to the Illinois but not Chicago because he needs to go to other town in the state. You decide not to use your time to ask any more questions about him so he doesn't ask anything about you.  
  
  
You know you are dreaming now. Fuck. Since when did you start to fall asleep so quickly? It doesn't really matter. You can't wake up even if you try. You are in the middle of darkness. Everything is black and empty so you can't just walk away. There is nothing to sit on but the cold floor. Or you at least think it's floor. The situation makes you kind of sad. And it doesn't matter if you cry a little because no one can see it, right? No. You can't always cry at the situations like this. Even if you are alone and it is just a dream. Because you know you are going to regret it. You are regretting that you told about your situation to Gamzee. Now he knows too much. Even if he is your best friend. No one is going after you. You know it because it was part of your parents idea. The whole escape thing. At the day you left, your father said:  
\- Just get out of our sight. You are not our son. You are just a tiny disappointment.  
You don't know what's wrong with you. You can be angry and mean sometimes. But you don't always want to. And now you are sleeping. In some gorillas truck. Dreaming about being in a dark room. You think you are fucked up in so many levels that you can't even count.  
  
  
You wake up when the truck trembles on the road. It's annoying how you woke up but you are kind of relieved.  
\- What the fuck is problem with your truck? you ask with your grumpy tone.  
\- My apologies. But the road is extremely craggy. he answers to you. Ew, he is sweating more than your aunt at the Christmas Eve when she sees the ham.  
You try not to care about the fact that is getting more and more uneasy to breath because of the smell of his sweat. The awkward silence is coming back. Until your phone is ringing in your pocket. You look who's calling, it's your annoying brother Kankri. He lives in New York because he goes to school in there. He doesn't call you often or you just don't answer to him because he talks like hell.  
\- What the fuck do you want asshat? you ask him with an angry voice.  
\- Watch your language, little brother. And is it true that you ran away from your home? I don't think that it is going to take your problems away. Mom and dad called me today but you know them as they wanted me to move away when I was even younger that you, Karkat, so they just asked if I know anything about you because I think they want you to just grow up. As you know, you haven't talk to me for months which I found quite confusing because we are brothers and I have said to you that you can always talk to me about anything. But I just wanted to see if you are okay because I don't want you to disappear or be killed like those young teenage girls in horror movies. when he finish his sentence, it feels like your brains are gonna explode.  
\- I'm fine, bye. you shut your phone before he can even answer to you. Not that you would care because sometimes you can't stand him. He has always been the favorite child in your family. He has good grades, he always does what he's told to do etc... You are nothing like him, but he is annoying asshole so you don't really care.  
The rest of the trip is long and quiet. You don't know why the radio isn't on but you don't want to ask if Equius could turn it on. And even if the radio would be on, you would probably lose your shit at every song because only music that comes from radio is trash.  
  
  
When you finally are at Illinois, Equius pulls over to the first gas station that he sees.  
\- If it's okay, I leave you now. Chicago is in that way. It's my duty to go on the other destination. he tells you as he points you different ways.  
You jump out of the truck and thank him and then you start to looking for a nearest bus station because you still have some money left. You don't see one. You kick an empty bean can when you are walking around. What the heck is that thing doing in a place like this?  
After few minutes of walking, you see someone.  
\- Are you looking for something? the stranger asks.  
\- It's none of your fucking business. you tell him and keep walking.  
\- If you need a ride, the next bus will be here at any minutes now. he says and then you notice it on a sign of a gas station. 'There will be buses at every other hour'.  
First you start to yelling at the stranger and then you yell at bean can. And after couple of minutes you are yelling at the sign.  
While you are saying very angry words, which aren't good to hear for younger audience, you see that the bus is coming.  
When you go inside-still quite grumpy- you notice that there's only few seats without anyone sitting on it. You release a frustrated sigh and go sit near windows. Suddenly you feel yourself really confused because there's coming more passengers. Where the hell did these people came? And why is that man sitting next to you.  
Well, as much as you want to complain, you can't because the seat next to you was the last not taken seat because of these other people.  
  
  
The next half hours went quite well. Until the man next to you starts to touch your thighs. You turn to look at him. When he starts to move his hand towards to you, you feel a small shiver on your spine.  
\- Can you try not to fucking touch me? you snarl at him. But the man doesn't stop. You don't know what to do.  
The man keeps touching you. Your thighs and your hips. He bends over to whisper in your ear:  
\- I like little girls which looks like boys...  
What the fuck? Does he think that you are a chick?! You can't say anything because now he is licking your earlobe and slowly his hand is diving into your pants. He let's surprised noise but he still continues to caress your crotch through the fabric of your under wears. A quiet moan is letting out of your mouth and you bit your lower lip immediately. You shut your eyes so you can't see the man while he is doing it. You don't want to have any kinds of flashbacks about this later.  
\- Can't you thee that he ithn't enjoying? says someone near you. You open your eyes and see some thin boy with glasses and messy darkish brown hair standing next to a man.  
\- Can't you keep you lispy mouth shut? man answers. The boy smirks a little.  
\- You thee that tall guy over there, don't you? He ith a body guard and he oweth me a favor after I fixed hith computer. Tho get the fuck out right now when the buth thtopth or I will athk him to beat the thit out of you. he says and the man stands up right away and as the boy were right, bus stops and the stranger runs out.  
Boy with a lisp sits right next to you.  
\- If you are waiting a kiss for a hero, you are going to be fucking disappointed. you say to him as you raise your eyebrows.  
\- You're welcome. he answers and tries to shake hands with you. But as he can see, you are still quite shocked. Then he keeps talking:  
\- Thollux Captor.  
\- ...Karkat Vantas. you introduce yourself. You start to look at him more closely and you notice that his eyes are different colours. The other one is blue and the other is brown.  
Apparently, he notice that you noticed so he turns his head straight.  
\- Tho what bringth you here? Not that I'm trying to make a file about you and send it to an FBI or thomething. he asks with that kind of humorous sentence at the end. But you are not going to show you think it's funny.- Chicago. Some douche who thinks he's my best friend wants to meet me. you tell him.  
  
  
Karkat Vantas, the teenager who ran away from home, slept in a bus, promised to some stoner juggalo that he will come to his place to the other state, hitchhiked his way to some muscle man's truck, got harassed by some old hobo and was saved by heterochromic nerd. God your life is so normal.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to add a new chapter ^^'

Long story shorts, this Sollux Captor guy is quite a douche. But he is the most normal douche you have met in this trip, because he doesn't serve you a coffee which tastes like a sewer, doesn't sweat like pig or he doesn't harass you. But you can't be too open-minded.  
He tells you that he lives in San Francisco but he travels all over US because of his career with computers. He do asks about your life, but you are not going to tell him anything. Even thought your conversation is full of bad fake insults about each other, you two change phone numbers.  
When he leaves, you start to feel yourself uncomfortable. You aren't a person who likes to cling on people, but when you start to remember that hobo, you really miss that Sollux-idiot.  
After couple of minutes you take your phone and earphones out of your pocket and start to listen some shitty music which you don't actually like but those songs just happens to be there.  
Through the music, you can hear how the driver announce that you are soon in Chicago. After all this, you are still feeling yourself kind of uncomfortable. Meeting a guy which you have known for a long time but which you haven't ever seen in real life is a big thing. Sure you and Gamzee had been talking through web cam, but still.

It still takes at least half an hour before you leave the bus. Now you should try to find some other place where you can use your laptop so you can tell Gamzee that you are already here. It takes a long time, you know it even if you don't look at time from your phone. And it feels like you are more hungry than some bum in a street. Just when you are walking to the nearest store, someone hugs you from behind.  
First you shiver, then you remember that guy in the bus and then you scream as loudly as you can.  
\- Sorry Karbro, it wasn't motherfucking meaning to scare the living shit out of you. says the oddly familiar voice behind your back.  
\- Gamzee..? What the fuck, Gamzee?! you yell and turn around to see that face you have only seen in your web cam conversations. It feels unreal but there he is. Wearing sweatpants and indigo colored hoody, juggalo makeup on his face. Enough of describing and looking at him. How did he knew that you are here?  
\- It's cool to finally meet you, best friend. he says, smiling, and then he hugs you again. You try your best not to hug him back. But you fail at it so your hands are around him.  
\- Idiot... How did you know that I was here? you ask while looking at him(he is tall as fuck, or you are just short).  
He looks like he is thinking the most important question of life. And then he just shrugs. You want to yell and hit him, even thought you don't know why, maybe you are just mad as always, but you don't do that because that trip to Chicago was pure hell and you don't want to go back in Missouri anymore.  
\- I didn't actually, I was just coming from my bros apartment. Motherfucker needed help with moving and shit. he tells while he stops hugging you. You just nod. Even thought you don't admit it, you are excited.  
\- Let's go to my place, okay? he asks and you nod again. Then he grabs your arm and starts to walk. You don't even feel yourself hungry anymore, maybe it's because of excitement.

He lives in strange neighborhood. Or. A strange apartment building. There's a few windows which are broken, you see them when you are going inside to that building. There's no elevator, so you have to walk for a long time all the way to the 5th floor. Half way of the stairs, you saw some woman with a dirty dog, the woman was shaking and she murmured some strange words. But Gamzee didn't seem to care about the woman. Maybe it was normal in here.  
He smiles widely when he opens the door for you. You step inside. You sigh loudly when you notice that his apartment is messy. Like he haven't clean it up for years. The place is full of faygo bottles, it smells like drugs and there's clothes all over the floor. But at least it's warm, so maybe you don't say MUCH about it.  
\- When was the last time you cleaned this shithole up? you ask and step aside so he can come inside. He laughs at you and takes off his hoody and drops it to the floor. You drop your bag next to his hoody.  
\- That's motherfucking funny question, Karbro. But let me fucking ask you, what's the point of cleaning when it will be a motherfucking shithole all over again some day? he asks. Even thought he is stupid, he's got a point. Wait. No he fucking doesn't. That's one of the most shittiest excuse you have ever heard. And you tell that to him, but he just laughs and hugs you. You hug him back. Usually you don't like to hug people you meet at the first time. But actually, you didn't met Gamzee for the first time, you two have been talking online for a long time.  
Suddenly, he starts to walk to the living room, with you in his grip. He sits on the couch with you.  
\- You are too close fuckass. you tell him and look at the ground. He stops holding you. You are still thinking the lady on the stairs. Why didn't Gamzee say or do anything. Is it so usual to him to see a crazy woman with a dog?  
\- Want to see the rest of my apartment? he asks with that smiley clown face of his.  
\- Sure, why the fuck not. you answer as you both stand up from the couch. He shows you all the rooms, except one. It seems to be locked. And the door is scary as fuck. There's just a little bit of paint left, and it seems like Gamzee has sprayed a sad purple colored clown face on it.  
\- Promise that you won't even motherfucking look in it, motherfucker? he asks you and you promise, with out even asking what's in it.

You wonder how there's so much rooms in a apartment building this dirty and broken. You can't say this is a slum, but it is not very far away of that. It all reminds you of those movies where gangsters go to meet those drug users which won't pay, there's shooting and police comes to check out every apartment at least once in a day. Is there even movies like that..? Well you think there is.  
\- Gamzee, no offense, but how the hell there's so much rooms in a place like this? you ask because you couldn't keep it inside of you anymore. He answers right away, while looking at the ceiling(there seems to be few wet prints):  
\- Well, this use to be a motherfucking five star hotel back in the time when those Marilyn fucking Monroe look alikes were still motherfucking alive. But there happened to be a motherfucking murders and other cool stuff so when this was all empty of costumers, it became a motherfucking apartment building.  
You have to go over the thing he said like fifty times before you get what he said. It actually explains a lot.  
You don't remember your hunger until evening when your stomach starts to pretend it's t-rex. You blush for a bit, but Gamzee just grins a little. Then he shows you his fridge, which is full of faygo what a fucking surprise, and other weird stuff like some green jelly pie. He says that you can eat what ever you want, you decide to take a pizza and put it in a microwave. You wonder if Gamzee has any kind of job. Or if he goes to school or something. After you have eaten, you ask him. He tells you that his father, who works in Europe, pays his rent and food etc. You kind of feel bad for him. But you don't say it out loud because that would be stupid.

Later you notice that he actually has drugs. Because he goes to the balcony while you are watching Sex and the City from tv and when he comes back in, that same weird smell of drugs takes over the whole room. You look at Gamzee with an angry expression on your face.  
\- Don't motherfucking worry, best friend, it's cool. This just makes me fucking relax. he tells you. You roll your eyes and keep watching Sex and the City.  
He sits next to you and puts his hand around your shoulder. You bite your lower lip because you haven't let anyone be this close to you like... Ever. And the man from the bus didn't help with that trait at all. But you don't actually mind if Gamzee puts his arm on your shoulder even thought it makes your lips bleed. After all, he gives you a home for a while.  
You lean against him for a bit. He does smell like drugs but it doesn't disturb you right now when you are starting to feel yourself sleepy. Like in a bus from Missouri.  
Gamzees living room is as dark and warm as the bus was. You don't think that he minds if you sleep for a few minutes. Or hours.

You wake up because of some noisy douche from outside of Gamzees apartment. You scratch your neck and stand up. It's dark, but you notice that you aren't on the couch anymore. You are sitting on a bed? At least you think it is bed. This must be Gamzees bedroom which he showed you earlier. But where is he? You try to look next to you in the darkness but you don't see anything. Like really anything, he isn't there.  
You gasp when you hear that same voice again. And this time you are sure that it is much closer than before. It almost seems like it comes from that room which Gamzee didn't show you. You stand up from the bed and sneak closer to that door. Those voices are starting to become more louder than before.  
But you don't get anymore closer to that door, because you stumble over something. Maybe a bottle. Anyway, you let out a loud scream. When you stand up, you see Gamzee right in front of you.  
\- You okay, motherfucker? he asks you, he seems to be a quite sleepy.  
\- I just fucking stumbled over your shitty faygo bottle and almost broke my neck, that's all. you answer and look at him in the eyes. He smirks.  
\- What were you doing anyways? he asks again with a lazy tone.  
Hurry, you have to think some excuse.  
\- I was looking for a bathroom but I didn't see anything without lights on. you lie to him. You are not sure if that was a good lie, but it will do. And he seems to believe you.  
\- It's on the left from this room. he tells you, petting your head. You nod and walk to the bathroom, lock the door and sit to the ground. You didn't even notice when the voices stopped. You have to think straight now.

Morning rises. Last night when you came out of the bathroom, you found Gamzee sleeping on the bed. You did go to sleep next to him. If sleeping means panicking and trying to sleep for an hours.  
You wake up when he stands up and goes to the balcony. You watch the ceiling for a little. What were those things you heard last night? Those were like. Whispers. And screams. At the same time. It can't be explained.  
You stand up and walk to the living room. Still kind of tired, but you almost always are.  
\- Good morning, best friend. he says when he comes back inside, like the thing last was never happened. You murmur something like an answer as he goes to the kitchen. You go after him when you notice that there isn't anything good coming from tv. Gamzee is sitting on a chair, eating one of those pies.  
\- What the heck are you eating? you ask him, disgusted. He swallows and answers to you, while grinning that stupid lazy ass grin:  
\- Wanna motherfucking taste?  
Oh hell no. You are not going to put THAT thing in your mouth. Green and slimy...  
\- Come on, you know you fucking want to. he's luring you.  
You sigh and sit on the chair next to him.  
\- No, fuckass, don't even try to make me..! your sentence is stopped when he kisses you. Actually, you can't call it as a kiss. He is now foisting the slime in your mouth and you take it. When he stops, you are shaking a little. Your eyes are locked down to the floor.  
\- See, tastes like motherfucking miracles?  
\- Why the hell did you do that, assface?! you yell at him, your face is burning, so you know you look like an angry tomato. He doesn't look like he's shocked. He is more amused.  
\- I really wanted you to taste my pie. he answers and keeps eating.  
You sneer.

You don't eat anything after that. You decide to go to shower, so you get your towel from your bag. When you come out of the shower you notice that your clothes are dirty, so you ask if you can borrow some of Gamzees clothes. So now you have few sizes too big clothes on you. Some grey hoody and jeans.  
He says that those looks good on you. You roll your eyes once again and get your phone from your bag. Nothing. No calls or texts. Not even from that Sollux dude. It seems like it wouldn't even matter if the phone wouldn't even be on. You go to the living room and Gamzee seems to notice that you are more grumpy than usual.  
\- You okay, Karbro? he asks as he sits next to you on the couch. You look at the window so he would not notice that you are actually feeling bad. You gasp when he takes your phone from your hands and checks it.  
\- Give it back, you dipshit! you yell and try to take it from him, but it's no use because he is too tall(even thought trying is more easy when you both are sitting).  
\- Doesn't anyone miss you? he asks. You wonder why. He does know that your parents doesn't care the shit about your. And he knows that you don't have any friends at school, which is in this situation ex-school.  
You gasp when he hugs you.  
\- It's all motherfucking alright now. I will take fucking care of you, bro. he tells you. You can't help but smile a little, even if it hurts.  
You know now that your life will never be the same again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the pause. And sorry about the short chapter. Try to enjoy.

Someone is calling you. Yeah, that's what woke you up. That one Taylor Swifts song you hate but which is in you phone anyway.   
You try to stand up, but then you feel Gamzees arms around your waist tightly. Oh, you have been living with him for two weeks now. And sleeping in same bed doesn't bother you anymore as much as it use to. Which is kind of weird, because usually you don't let anyone so near you.  
You try to struggle yourself to freedom, but his grip just tightens.   
\- Let go of me, you dipshit! you yell but only answer you get from him is a loud snorring. You stop struggling as the phone stops ringing. You lay there in the silence. If you can call a loud snorring from a clown as a silence.  
When you move your hips a little, you feel his fingertips accidently touching your crotch. You whimper, but just a little when you notice that he is still sleeping. You found the touch quite pleasurable, so you lean against his hand, making a little moves. You bite your lower lip to prevent making any noises.  
But then you just snap from the pleasure and stay still. What the fuck were you thinking?!  
Oh no, it seems like he is waking up...  
\- Good morning, Karkles. he yawns, without even noticing that his hand is touching your half erected member. For your luck, he let's you go. It's that you like him in that way... Or maybe you aren't so sure after that one kiss.

Later that day, you are drinking coffee next to him while he's eating one of those disgusting pies again. You haven't really seen him eating nothing but those pies and junk food. And you can't stand it anymore.  
\- Later, fuckass, I'm going out. you tell him as you finish drinking your coffee. Then you go outside. It's windy and you curse that you didn't get another hoody. It's been days since you last time got out of Gamzees apartment. Last time, you did go to movie with Gamzee. It was some romantic comedy you wanted to see and Gamzee offered to show you where the movie theater was. And so he did come to see it with you.  
Anyways, you're looking for nearest grocery store. After walking for a while, someone grabs your arm.  
\- Hiiiiii, do you need a job? Not that you look like it, even thought you do have kind of hideous clothes on you. says some girl with a long, dark brownish and curly hair. She is wearing pink glasses and she seems to be wearing lots of expensive clothes.  
\- ...Excuse me? you ask and you rise your other eyebrow. That came so quickly and you were just walking by.  
She looks at you, visibly excited, and you just take the paper she offers to you. You don't say anything, you just keep walking. You sigh as you heard her to say those same things to the next person who walks past her. Are everyone out of their mind?

Later, you do find some grocery store. It isn't so big, but you know you can find everything you need from it. You buy some things you'll need to make food later. You try not to care about some little girl who points her finger at you and says 'look mommy, that mister looks angry and dirty'. You aren't dirty, those clothes are just old... And you haven't brush your hair. And of course you are angry because that kind of little idiots are gonna rule the world when you are old!  
When you have paid your shoppings, you notice that you only have money to last for next two weeks. You take the piece of paper the girl gave to you and look at it. It's a job advertisement. You only have been in one job in your life. It was more like a summer job. And you got fired because you yelled at kids. It was a kindergarten. Never again.  
Well, you need to take a risk and go back to that girl.  
It is quite easy, but this time she is sitting on a street. Showing no mercy to that expensive skirt of hers. You sneak to sit next to her and when she notices you, she looks like it was an early christmas.  
\- Sooooooo, are you interested? she asks you, smiling widely. You nod with the kind of expression that some prisoners have before they are locked to their cells.   
\- Sure, why the heck not. you say and she looks like she would hug you if you wouldn't look like a bum.  
\- Great! See you at twelve o'clock tomorrow, right here! she says and you stand up.  
Karkat Vantas, what have you done.

When you get back at Gamzees apartment, he is sitting on the couch. And he looks so relaxed that he could almost melt.  
\- Heeeeey, bro. he says, eyes half lidded. You roll your eyes and go to kitchen.  
\- What ever, drugsponge. Enough with your pies because I'm gonna cook and you are going to fucking eat it. you say but hear no answer. Maybe he is too stoned to answer...  
Later you notice that this was a bad idea. No. This was so fucking bad idea that all the bad ideas of the universe are slaves of your idea of cooking. Your food is burning and boiling over and all stinky. Everything bad that you could imagine happen to food. You open the windows(Gamzee is sleeping on a couch...) and try to save your food. Those things that use to be the cheapest pasta you found is now something which looks like cat ate and throw up and repeated. And you don't even want to talk about those meatballs...  
But Gamzee didn't notice that you fucked up. So you can still make him eat it right?  
You put the plates and forks and food on the table and walk to the living room.  
\- Get up and come to eat. you say. When he doesn't wake up, you kick his knee. He lets out surprising noise which reminds a loud horn used by clowns.  
\- Alright chill out, bitctits. he says while smiling and slouches to the kitchen. You go after him and sit on a chair. He sits next to you and looks at the food on his plate with quite interesting expression on his face.  
\- Bro what the motherfuck is this? he asks carefully. You know the reason of the question but you don't want to admit that it looks and smells like shit.  
You pout and shout:  
\- It's... A thing. Shut up and eat that shit.  
Because he is a stupid fuckface, he actually takes some on his fork and slowly puts it in his mouth. When he swallows, he tries to smile a bit.  
\- Wow. Tastes motherfucking miraculous. he says. It makes you feel better a little and you try to eat some too. It tastes like six years old milk and burning socks but you can take it. You won't show that you are actually a terrible cook.

Night falls and you are both laying on his bed. You think he is sleeping. He is all quiet and stuff. You change your position a bit. After few minutes he stands up. What's going on?  
He goes somewhere. You think he just needs to smoke when you hear the door opening and shutting. But wait. Why don't he use the balcony? You try to sleep your worries away...  
You wake up because of those familiar voices. Whispering... It makes you to stand up and walk right to that mysterious door. It's open. You wonder why and look inside. There's light. But just a bit. And it's indigo colored. You can now hear the whispers more louder. There is silence between sentences. The tone of is voice is louder and more quiet sentence by sentence.  
\- rip it... RIP HIS MOTHERFUCKING VEINS MOTHERFUCKING WILL YA?!  
You are now absolutely frightened. And you sure you hear and see something splatter on the walls. You don't want to stay to find out what it was. You tip toe back to bed as fast as you can. And you don't want to stand up again before you see the sunlight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I finally wrote something more sexual =w= And yeah, I'm gonna wrote more action after this chapter.

You don't sleep. Almost at all. Did you really saw it. Or even heard that. Or are you just losing your mind. You can almost imagine yourself locked in a white room where you talk to walls.  
If you are lucky, it was just the most sick nightmare you have ever seen.  
When there is light enough, you stand up and go to bathroom. You let a deep sigh and look at the mirror. Then you yell because you see Gamzee behind you. Well, it's not Gamzee. It's some kind of alternate universe version of Gamzee. It has a gray skin and horns like a devil and it has yellow eyes and three purple scars on its face where it has a teeth like a predator.  
When you turn around, you see the Gamzee you know and he hugs you.  
\- What the motherfuck is wrong, best friend? he asks as you manage hug him back. Still trying to feel if he has horns on his head.  
He is caressing your neck and back.  
\- I... Fuck... You are Gamzee. Not the devil. you murmur and he is looking at you kind of curious.  
\- Yeah last time I fucking checked. he chuckles and then asks:  
\- It's 5am, what are you doing?  
You try to move away from his touch.  
\- I can't sleep anymore as you can fucking see and if you excuse me, mr assclown, I'm trying to take a shower. you lie to him. And you bet he knows you are lying.  
And then you do something embarrassing. You fall down because you are shaking so much.  
He laughs at you a little.  
\- Shut the hell up and help me up! you yell and reach your arms up as he pulls you up. He pushes you to sit on the toilet seat.  
\- You ain't motherfucking going to be here alone now. he says and takes his t-shirt off. You blush a little. He isn't quite muscular but he has a great body. When you notice that you are fucking checking his body, you turn your head.  
\- ...What the heck are you doing..? you ask quietly.  
He chuckles again and starts to remove his pants and when he is naked, he kneels in front of you.  
\- Come on, Karkles, take a motherfucking shower with motherfucker. he whispers and starts to remove your shirt. You want to resist but you fail. You are a failure.  
\- Fine. But don't look at my body! you shout at him and he nods.  
You let him to take off your clothes. He holds your hand and takes you to under the shower. The water is perfect. You have been a lot after that moment before.  
This is the first time you see him with out makeup. He usually wears them when he is sleeping and when he wakes up, he goes and fixes them.  
When the water has washed off the whole thing from his face, you notice that he actually has three scars on his face. It scares you a little and you start to shake again.  
He puts his arms around your waist which makes you think other things.  
You have always hated your own body. Even thought nobody has not ever said anything about it. You aren't like said 'fat' or 'thin'. You do have some baby fat in your body. That makes you a little plump.  
He caresses your sides and that makes you angry. Like many things does.  
\- I said don't fucking look at my body. you snarl loudly and try to push his hands away.  
\- I ain't motherfucking looking at your body. he says with amused tone.  
You wash your hair and body and he does the same. You both seem to agree with the idea that you aren't going to go out of the shower yet.  
You have had these thoughts of Gamzee before. And by thoughts you mean romantic thoughts. It is weird and it feels weird. And the most weird part is that you have those when he is next to you. You are both naked and wet.  
Oh hell no, the little one is getting exited. You try to cover it with your hands. And you know that it isn't working, so when he isn't looking you quickly sit on the floor.  
\- What are you doing? he asks curiously. Quick, you have to think excuse.  
\- ...I was tired of standing. you say. That was the most stupid lie you have ever heard.  
He just smiles and sits in front of you.  
\- I motherfucking bet that is the same fucking reason why are you covering you penis. he says and you want to hit him. But you don't have a good reason to do it.  
Slowly he starts to move your hands away, even thought you do try to keep them where they are. You are biting your lower lip as he looks at it.  
\- Aww, is that for me, best friend? he asks and touches your cock with his thumb. You let out a tiny whimper.  
\- Yes... I mean don't fucking touch it! you bark and try to slap him(but not too hard though). He just laughs.   
He moves your thighs apart and it feels like you can't move them. The he touches your penis with his own. His manhood is as erected as yours but it is much bigger than yours.  
Then he takes them both in his hand and starts to pump them together. You are moaning because of the pleasure he causes to you.  
\- See how motherfucking cute and small your cock is next to mine. he pants and you are starting to feel more angrier, but when you are about to say something to him he keeps pumping more faster. You let out a small cry.  
You don't want to but you are moving your hips against his hands. You want more. So much more of this.  
\- Gamzee, I'm going to..! you shout but the sentence is stopped when everything is dark.  
You feel how someone is shaking you. You open your eyes and see the same girl who hired you.  
\- Wake up, sleepy head! Did you signed these papers already? she asks and you notice that you are in some kind of sushi restaurant. You look at the pile of papers in front of you on the table and you nod. Even thought you can't remember if you did.  
\- Great! I'm Feferi by the way, and I'm sooooo exited about hiring you, Karkat! she squeals and you rise your other eyebrow.  
\- Yeah... Sounds hell of a fun, what do I have to even do..? you ask, not quite interested at all but you need this. She smiles and takes you to the backroom.  
\- This is my favorite part because you can wear this cute crab costume! she says and shows you a horrible kigurumi(you do know what that is because of reasons... which you don't want to talk about) kind of shiny red costume. Seeing that makes your insides fill with the 'fuck i'm out'-feeling.  
\- The fuck is that..? I am not going to touch it. you say but when she looks like a little kid who just heard that there would be no Christmas, you start to dress up as she turns around.  
Apparently, your job is to be outside and give some papers to people and ask them to come inside. You aren't very good with people so you just throw the papers at people and mostly yelled at them something like 'Come back here, there's food! Fine, I don't like you either because you are just some rich fuckface who doesn't have to wear a horrible and shitty costume to get food and clean underwear!'.  
Now you are thinking how you didn't get fired. Maybe because when you were at pause, some people did saw the papers on the ground and decided to come.  
When it's 6pm, Feferi says that you can go. She doesn't even reproach. She just smiles as wide as she did before. That makes you happy a little. Well, kind of. You more like feel yourself something hideous which princess releases from the dungeons to see the sunlight for the first time.  
You come back home and first thing you see is Gamzee. Dancing. Only purple underwear on. With a fucking swim ring around his neck.  
\- Do I even want to know what the actual living shit are you doing? you ask him as he notices you. You remove your jacket and then you start to remember the shower thing. Did it actually happen. Oh god...  
\- Heeeeeyyyy, buddyyyy... he says and moves in front of you as you come to the living room. You rip the swim ring from his neck and throw it out of the window.  
\- Why the motherfuck was that for? he asks and turns off the music and sits on the couch after you have sat on it too.  
\- Are you high? you ask after a little moment of silence. He laughs and answers while grinning:  
\- I'm just high because of this fucking miraculous world we are living.  
You take that as a yes. Living with a stoner... Maybe you will never get used to this.  
There is one silent moment again after he starts to take his hand to your inner thighs.  
\- Heyyy, remeber the motherfucking fun time we had in the shower this motherfucking morning?  
So it was real... Great. You look at his hand.  
\- No fucking way. I just was more closer to lose my virginity to a juggalo in a shower, how can I remember a thing like that?! you yell and he sooshes. When you are about to tell him not to soosh at you, he sooshes again and caresses your thighs.  
\- Do you maybe wanna take it to a motherfucking another level..? he grins with that horrible make up on.


	5. Chapter 5

\- Are you sure you're motherfucking ready, best friend? Gamzee asks.  
\- If I wasn't ready I would fucking not be under your naked body, you idiot! you yell and he takes that as a yes as you feel his finger push inside of you. You hiss loudly. The pain is senseless.  
He pets your head, trying to comfort you.  
\- It's motherfucking okay. It won't hurt after a while. he says.  
You know he is telling the truth, after all, he did put some lube on his fingers(did he know that this would happen or something..?).  
He pushes two more fingers inside you and now you are panting, you are filled with pain and desire to scream until your lungs will explode. Which you do not unfortunately do.  
After scissoring you with his fingers, he pulls them outside and replaces them with his own cock. You let out a loud cry, it still hurts. Why it wouldn't hurt? Gamzee is well equipped down there. He seems to wait until you have adjusted to a pain. You nod and he starts to move inside of you.  
After a while, it starts to feel normal, even pleasurable. You look up to him, his brown eyes and painted lips. You reach to touch his cheeks and pull his face closer to you. Right now, you don't care if you get his face paint all over your face, you just want to feel those lips against yours. This seems to come as a surprise to him. Even thought he is on drugs-like almost always-he lets out a surprised humm.  
That's the thing. He is high. What if he doesn't remember this when he is sober..?  
Your thinking stops when he breaks away from the kiss and grabs your erection roughly. The movement he's making is more faster than before and he is not quite gentle for your manhood either, and it's driving you crazy. Your head is twisting to a side to another on the pillow and when you feel you are reaching the climax, you let out a mewl. You look at the ceiling with half lidded eyes, feeling his hot liquid filling you.  
You don't know how long you have been laying next to him, his arms around you. But you know long enough because there is dark outside. You feel how his hands are leaving your body. He stands up and starts to put clothes on. Or so you think because of the noise of the zipper. You stay quiet. He leaves the room and you hear the front door opening and closing.  
It takes you a one tired moment to realize that this is your chance to go to the room which you are not supposed to. You stand up and put some Gamzees old t-shirt on(sometimes you think that he doesn't even have closets...) and tip toe over all those empty faygo bottles closer to that door. It opens with a loud creak, which sounds more like a dying cat.  
It's more dark in there and much more stifling. The smell is almost disgusting. How can't you even smell it all the way to another parts of the apartment?  
You explore in the darkness until you can turn on the lights. The first thing you see is some pictures. Weird pictures. There is a photo of Gamzee, some guy who looks like Gamzee but he only has skeleton suit an make up and a tall man with messy long hair-also wearing a juggalo make up-. There is a photo of two girls. The other one is shorter and she is wearing a hat with cat ears and the other one is apparently blind because she has those glasses and a stick. There is some text on the blind girl which says 'bitch'. When you turn around to see the other part of the room, your heart almost stops.  
The walls are painted with blood. Or so you think because you can see that there is small indigo colored spots among those rust red walls. But the walls aren't the most horrible part in the room. In the middle of the room, there is a table which is covered by blood and there is two pins on it. Both of them covered by that rust red liquid as well. You look to the ceiling and you see some kind of animal skull, a goat skull perhaps. Your feet are shaking. What is going on here?!  
You start to back off carefully but you crash against something that isn't a wall.  
\- So. You motherfucking saw it. you hear a familiar voice saying. You let out a scared whimper and turn around. Gamzee is standing in front of you. His hair is wet and his make up is messy. He is going closer to you but you start to run. You run past him, even thought you know it maybe isn't worth it. He has bigger feet than you do.  
You don't bother to take your jacket. Or shoes. Anything at all. You are still just wearing his t-shirt. You run to the stairway. You hear someone having a party in the lower apartments. They are listening to Like a Virgin. Oh the fucking irony... You lost your virginity to a fucking stoner-possible serial killer-juggalo. Shiny and new my ass.  
-Karkleeeeeees... Come back, babe. I ain't going to motherfucking gonna hurt you. he is telling you but you don't listen and almost jump to outside. You fell. The ground is dirty and wet and it's raining.  
You feel his arms aroun your neck. He is strangling you. Okay, you almost can't breath. You are suicidal by your own way. But you are not going to die like this. There is no way.  
You reach your arms to hug him and soosh as much as you can, later you will may think what the hell but this is the only thing you can do. Surprisingly, he stops and hugs you.  
\- I'm sorry, Karkat. he stutters. You can hear his heart beating. He almost strangeled you to death. He has a weird room full of blood. But you. Love him you guess. You just can't leave him now.  
You stand up with him and walk back inside. The music is still playing which causes you to yell bad words but he comforts you. Back inside, you both sit on the couch.  
\- I'm motherfucking sorry, Karkat. he tells you, but right now you don't give a damn.  
\- What the fuck was that? you ask him with surprisingly peaceful tone.  
He doesn't answer immediately.   
\- If I don't smoke enough, I go psycho rampage. And I motherfucking think I need stronger stuff to keep me calm because I already smoked like I normally do. he says. You don't believe your ears but you know you have to.   
\- Have you ever tried to stop? you ask him calmly. He shrugs.  
\- Once. But it motherfucking turned out to be a motherfucking bad idea.  
\- Well go to a fucking therapist! You have a room full of blood! How can you let this happen?! you lost it completely. He stays quiet and you sigh.  
\- You know what, I will regret this for my whole miserable life, but tomorrow we will clean that room up and you will get your stupid ass drugs! you keep nagging and he nods. Karkat Vantas, you are the most desperate juggalo-loving jerk who has ever walked in the ground of the earth.  
It's morning and you wake up next to him on the couch. You feel so sick. Did you get some disgusting disease because of the wet and dirty t-shirt. You let out a tiny sneeze which means yes. You tip toe to get your phone. Feferi gave you her phone number yesterday so you can say that you can't go to work.  
\- Awwh, that's sad. Try to get better okay? she says with disappointed tone.  
\- Yeah, sure, what ever. you say and cough. You close your phone and turn to look at Gamzee. When you start to think, he is mysterious guy. You don't know much about his past or anything. Maybe you will ask him after this mess is clear.   
This whole time, living with him has been surrealistic. But for some reason you don't want to leave him. Or not just yet. Maybe it's because he is the first person you have had a crush, or maybe love, on.  
And things could be so much worst. He could have been some 57 year old man named Gary who likes to rape little kids. But you live with this Gamzee, with your Gamzee. And you are alive even thought he has a room which is painted with blood.  
Now you think that you are just stupid because you let yourself be this emotional. Here you are, thinking about things like that with dirty t-shirt on.  
You go and change your clothes and then you just lay on bed. Not even thinking of waking Gamzee up yet. You hear your phone ringing. Oh no, is Feferi going to get you fired anyway..? You pick up your phone just to hear Kankris voice.  
\- Hello, Karkat. How are you? he asks and you stay quiet. You almost forgot that you even have an older brother.  
\- Hi... you finally say and he seems to be offended because you didn't answer his question. So you think because he lets out a sneer.  
\- Little brother, you should answer when someone asks you something. It is not quite nice to let someone think that you don't even want to talk to them. But now off topic. We have not talked for a while, or we haven't even seen each other. So I suggest that we could meet after two weeks when I have a tiny holiday. If you aren't busy. he starts talking and stuff which you don't listen. Meeting Kankri... After this thing... Would be comfortable. You know you will regret it.  
\- Fine, I'll call you later. I'll have to talk to my... Roommate first. you say and shut the call before he starts asking again.  
When Gamzee doesn't show any movements to waking up after hours and hours of sleep, you go and kick his ankle. He lets out a weird honking noise and stands up.  
\- Moooooorning. he almost purrs and you sigh.  
\- It's not morning anymore, you nutsack.  
He chuckles and gives you a small kiss while you try to hesitate. But actually you do like kissing and stuff.  
\- Morning, evening, night, it's always fun to motherfucking see you, bro. he yawns and stands up to take one ciggy on the sill. Then he goes to balcony, it's quite normal but you will still yell at him because he left with out listening you.  
After he has sit his ass on the couch again sit next to him.  
\- First, don't ever fucking leave when I'm about to talk to you 'bro', and second we need to talk about that room! you yell and he looks at you like you were some little kid who wants a lollipop.  
\- What room? he asks. You don't believe your ears, has he forgotten about the last night?!  
\- Are you deaf or just stupid? Wait, don't fucking answer that. I mean that room which is full of blood and stinks like something that cat brings to you after hunting! you snarl and he laughs at you.  
\- Well, can you motherfucking show me this miraculously disgusting room, best friend? he asks, looking highly amused. You let out a loud ugh and you almost drag him to that door of thousands of fears and kick it open.  
You just can't fucking believe this. The room is full of old boxes and other things. The room doesn't stink like a dry blood anymore and the walls are dusty and grey. What the hell is this?  
\- But... There was... Fucking... Yesterday... What the heck is this witchcraft?! you yell and and he looks confused.  
\- I think you had a motherfucking wicked dream, Karkles. he says and you look up to him.  
\- No, no, no. There was this fucking room full of blood and goat heads and you were insane and, and, and..! you stutter.  
\- Look, babe, we had sex and watched some motherfucking romantic movie and slept. he explains.  
Okay, if this is some kind of joke or candid camera, they got you and someone could goddamn tell you what is this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the hiatus.

You had almost forgot that you were sick. Even thought you don't know why you are sick if Gamzees story about last night was true.   
Anyways here you are; laying under his arms. Feeling like your lungs are going to jump out of your throat.  
\- Feeling motherfucking better? he asks after a while. Is he fucking stupid?  
\- No, I'm feeling goddamn fabulous. It just feels like I'm going to fucking die soon! you snarl. He chuckles, you are not sure why. He slides his other hand to your stomach.  
\- Heh... You know what is the most motherfucking best medicine? he asks and kisses your head.  
You shrug while he starts to caress your crotch. It doesn't last long before you are hard.  
\- Sex. he whispers. You maybe would protest if you wouldn't be hard and quite tired already. You turn around so you can kiss him. You aren't an expert of kissing someone first, but he seems to like what you are doing so he kisses you back. He soon takes the control and slides his tongue inside your mouth. You let out a moan when he starts to lick your tongue.  
When the breathing is getting hard and heavy, you both break away from the kiss. You pant loudly and he seems to like what he sees.   
\- Hey, babe. he says and you look at him with questioning look.  
\- What if you would make a motherfucking start this time? he asks and you don't understand what he means until he opens the zipper of his pants. You feel how your cheeks are burning hot and red. You are about to say how stupid this is, but you decide to keep it to your self. You bend over to take his erection out of those baggy pants. You aren't quite sure how you should do this so you just start to lick the head and he lets out a grunt.  
After you have been licking his hardness for a while, you start to take it in your mouth which is a little hard because he is, like said, well equipped down there.  
While you suck, you look up to him. He looks at you with satisfied expression as he pets your head. You keep sucking harder but then he pushes your head away.  
\- That's motherfucking enough. he says and you lick your lips.  
\- You didn't even come yet. you say with confused tone and he humms.  
\- I will save it all to you. he says.   
\- Idiot. you sigh, but then he pushes you to lay down. Then he removes his own shirt. After that, he removes all of your clothes. You try to do everything to cover your body, but he stops you. Your cheeks are apparently as red as a tomato. He moves your hands away when you are trying to cover your crotch and stomach.  
\- Don't motherfucking do that, best friend, you are miraculous. he whispers. You feel that you are about to cry because of shame and he can see it, so he tries to take you thoughts to somewhere else. He takes two of his fingers to in front of your mouth. You kind of take that as an order to suck them, so you take those inside of your mouth. You do you best to cover them with saliva. When he thinks you are ready, he pulls them out of your mouth.  
\- Are you ready? he asks and you nod. Then he pushes both of them inside you. It doesn't hurt as much as it did hurt last time but you still let out a cry. You feel how he stretches your entrance, it makes you to grab the fabric of the couch, it helps a little.  
Suddenly he pulls them out and replaces them with his own cock. That still hurts, but not so much anymore. The movement is rough but after a while, you start to like it. You want it to be more rough.  
\- Harder! you command. He laughs and keeps doing it more rough. You both moan and you wrap your feet around him. Soon you feel like that your cock needs some attention, so you start to pump it. He helps you with it, which makes you to mewl like some needy kitten. That's about it. You reach the climax. Your semen is all over both your and Gamzees hands. It doesn't take long for him to milk all of his hot liquids inside of you.  
You pant loudly and he pulls himself out of you. You both lay there until the idea of taking a shower is taking the control.

He did make the start of the session up to you in the shower. And after that you two just cuddled under the hot water, it felt amazing. Now you two are laying under the soft blanket on his bed. The only sound that you hear is the clock ticking. It is comforting.  
Then you remember that you had to discuss about Kankri with Gamzee.  
\- Gamzee..? you start just to make sure that he is awake.  
\- Yeeeeah, buddy? yup, he is totally awake.  
\- My douchebag older brother Kankri has a holiday after two weeks and he wants to see me. So can he come here? you ask carefully. Gamzee stays quiet for a while and then he chuckles.  
\- Sure, my motherfucking big bro Kurloz is coming at the same motherfucking time. he says. So. Gamzee has a brother too.  
You don't say anything after that. And he himself seems to fall asleep soon.

You wake up from your half an hour sleep when the alarm of you phone is ringing. You hiss a loud curse when you stumble over a pile of Gamzees clothes, but he doesn't wake up. And you wouldn't even care if he would wake up because he is a lazy fuckass. You change your clothes after turning the alarm off. Ew. You think these clothes aren't that clean. But what you gonna do? Not clean them. Instead, you go and eat some kind of protein bar.  
On your way to work, some kid kicks his stupid football right at your cheek. Because you are nice(okay, not so nice little sunshine...), you only say one bad word and throw the ball back at him.  
Feferi says that you don't have to be outside yet. She makes you clean the toilet before it. You don't know which one is more disgusting; that some people still won't flush the fucking toilet OR that you were hugged by ten million(maybe you just over reacted a little bit) little kids when you had that stupid costume on.

When you go back home, you try to cook again. This one ends up being a slightly burnt meat loaf. It looks like a pile of black rocks, but when you scratch it with your fork there is a good meat under it. Gamzee doesn't complain and eats it happily. Maybe he smoked before you came back to home... You can't tell anymore because you are used to the smell of it.

That room. Your arms and feet are bound to some table. You smell blood and death. You hear someone breathing in the darkness. Soon the light is almost making you blind. Then you hear steps coming closer. There is someone above you. You felt how he or she climbed to sit on your stomach. It makes breathing a little bit harder. You can now see who it is. The guy has a grey skin but he has that clown makeup. Horns and teeth like a devil. Yellow eyes instead of white. Gamzee as the devil.  
\- Aww, brother... What the motherfuck is this? he asks as he touches your wrists. The wrists which were once covered by your own bright red blood, but which are now full of small scars.  
\- ...Don't touch me! you hiss but he just laughs at you.  
\- You like pain, motherfucker? I'll motherfucking give you some. he growls and stands up from your stomach. Then you feel burning pain on your wrists. The different shades of red are the only thing what you see before you open your eyes.  
It was a nightmare. Again. You realize that you are laying on the bathroom floor.  
Now you remember, you were going to shower and then you fainted...  
You stand up and go to look if Gamzee is sleeping or something. But you can't see him anywhere.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I had some balls to publish this. I'm sorry about the possible typos, I couldn't find myself a beta.

You have been curled inside a blanket for hours now. Still nothing. You can't see a reason to be scared since your dream wasn't even true. It was a stupid nightmare. But the fact that you boyfriend(is it okay to call him that..?) is gone is making you quite fucking nervous. It takes a lot of blood and tears, not literally, to stand up and walk around the apartment. Just to make sure that you really are alone. It's all dark and quiet. The only noise that you hear is your own footsteps. Maybe that's best in this situation. You snort at yourself. Karkat Vantas, you are one sissyass mommas boy.

You almost get a heart attack when you hear the door opening. It makes you yelp.

\- Karkles? you hear Gamzee's voice from the corridor. You sigh because of relief and walk to the corridor. You feel yourself more than stupid and embarrassed.

\- Gamzee brainless shitbag Makara, where in the living hell have you been?! you snarl at him.

You kinda sounded like Marge Simpson.

\- Chill out, bro. he tries to calm you down. 

\- I was just seeing my dealer, that's motherfucking all. he keeps saying and gives you a clumsy hug. Then he asks if you were worried. You almost can't believe your ears.

\- Dude, I woke up from the bathroom floor in the middle of  the night and you were gone, how can you even ask if I were worried about you?! you growl but your rambling is stopped when his painted lips are against yours. You are not so mad anymore after that. But you won't show it.

    This is the day. The day. Day when Kankri and Gamzee's brother are coming for a visit. You are quite nervous. And you are not sure if it is a good idea to tell them that you and Gamzee are... Well. He just would not understand.

You promised to meet Kankri at the airport. You are waiting him outside and being nervous makes it feel like years.

\- Karkat? you hear familiar voice behind you. You turn around and you see him. A boy who looks a bit like you. But he is more clean and taller than you.

\- Do you mind if I hug you? I mean, if you want or you do not find it triggering. Because we haven't seen each other for months and you are my brother. So not in inappropriate way, I have missed you. he says and it makes you realize how much you have been missing your older brother too.

You put your arms around him while his mouth is still full of words. After he has finished his sentence he hugs you back.

You go by bus with him. It isn't a quiet trip, but you didn't expect that these days would be anyways.

    When you are walking up the stairs of the apartment building with him, he seems not want to talk about how creepy the place is so he tells about New York instead. You don't think the building is so creepy anymore. Even thought few days ago you heard some rather violent fighting under Gamzee's apartment.

When you both walk inside the apartment you notice Gamzee coming from the balcony with a guy who you assume to be his older brother.

His hair is just a little bit longer than Gamzee 's and his whole look is skeleton themed. He's even wearing a makeup which is suppose to look like skull.

\- Heyyy, I want you motherfuckers to meet my bro Kurloz. Gamzee says and the one who is called Kurloz waves a little.

You nod and from a corner of your eye, you see how confused Kankri is. He did not even notice the curse word between the sentence.

\- Kankri, this is my roommate Gamzee and his older brother... you almost murmur. This situation, in some fucked up way, uncomfortable.

\- Roommate? Bro, we are so much more than that. We are almost like two motherfucking cherries in a tree of relationships and miracles. Gamzee explains. You would facepalm, but instead you grab him from the neck of his t-shirt and drag him to your bedroom. Leaving your brother and Kurloz in the gap between living room and the corridor.

\- Listen to me carefully for this one time for Pete's sake. It is not good idea to tell about us to Kankri. He would probably do something stupid like flip his shit or make idiotic speech. you explain, with a slight panic in your voice. The worst thing what could happen would be him not accepting the situation. 

Gamzee stares at you in silence for a moment. Like a parrot which is about to say something.

\- Sure thing, what ever floats your boat. he answers, grinning so his fangs are shining under his upper lip.

    The all four of you are sitting in the kitchen. Gamzee had made some pie(before eating, you asked atleast six times if it's weed free). Kankri is now comfortable enought to talk like he normally does, with a know-it-all tone and not even a sign of stopping.

Gamzee seems like he doesn't mind or even listen, he is more considered about his pie.

Kurloz just stares at Kankri, quietly, like he's listening to him. You haven't heard the older Makara saying even a one word.

And you? You feel like you are a sinner in a church. Or not. You are just fighting with your urge to yell Kankri to shut up. But you can, because in some level you want to adore the relationship between you. Right now, he is the only person you can call a family. Well, you could say that Gamzee is also your your family, but Kankri is your brother. And the only shadow from your past.

    Kankri and Kurloz are sleeping in the living room. Neither of them are complaining(you are thinking that the one with skull makeup is mute...). 

Your brother asked why are you and Gamzee sleeping together. You explained a lie with a rather rude tone.

At midnight you are still up. Like you always. You sneak in the kitchen to get a glass of water, but before it you hear noises from the living room.

You are trying to breath as quietly as you can, then you look in the living room behind the wall which is between the kitchen and the living room.

You hear whispers with a familiar voice. It's Kankri.

\- A-ahn... I want you to be aware of the fact that I don't usually... Do this kind of acts... And that in inappropiate way, I'm cheating on my celibate with you... May I ask you to go deeper... Ah..!

\- Shut the motherfuck up already and enjoy this. says a new voice which you assume to be Kurloz'. 

You forgot about the water and sneak back in yours and Gamzee's bedroom. You notice that you woke him up, so instead of saying anything you curl agaist him.

\- Is everything okay, Karbro? you hear him asking which causes you to sigh in a deep frustration.

\- Everything is perfectly fucking fine. I'm so okay that if I would be more okay, I would explode and leave a bunch of goddamn flowers and yellow floating faces of happines behind me. Oh, and by the way our brothers are having sex in our living room! you ramble from the top of your lungs.

After a while he bursts into a laughter. You can't see what is funny about the fact that Kurloz and Kankri are doing sodomy in Gamzee's apartment.

Apparently the face you are making, which is something between total rage and being confused, is making Gamzee slightly uncomfortable(if that's even possible) so he stops laughing.

\- I'm sorry, Karkles. But don't you found it motherfucking miraculous? he asks, still grinning like a chesirecat. You decide to shut your mouth for the rest of the night.

    In the morning you have some work to do. You didn't expect it but she said that there is a lack of workers so it was kind of an emergency.

You left saying no words. Gamzee was still sleeping, for your surprise so was Kankri but Kurloz was awake. He was sitting in the corner of the living room. Your had an eye contact with him until he waved at you and smiled. You found it creepy but you waved back with confused expression and left.

At work, destiny reminds you about the trip that brought you here in first place.

\- Morning, Karkat, I want you to meet my boyfriend Sollux Captor! Feferi says as you are brought face to face with your rather nerd saviour from the bus.

\- Wait... You guys know each other? How lovely is that! Feferi squeels when your face, once again, apparently tells everything

\- Oh I know him alraight. Sollux answers while grinning. Suddenly Feferi's phone starts ringing and she leaves you two alone. You doubt that she even had any job for you for this morning.

\- Tho. Whath up, KK? he asks and puts his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

\- I'm having a relationship with a stoner clown, I caught my brother, who by the way can't shut his goddamn mouth, and another stoner clown having sex last night at my living room and did I mention that I can't wait putting a bright red crab costume on me OR cleaning the fucking toilet. Better than I expected my life would be since we first met. you explain. You didn't wait that coming out of your mouth.

\- Tough thit. Sollux shows you expression which is something between confused but neutral.

When you finally realize to ask him how is he, Sollux tells you that he moved in Chicago and is now working in some computer firm. How original.

For your surprise you promise to see after you have done your. Apparently you see him anyway because he has something to do with Feferi. So you meet the most embarrassing experience of your life as you wear the costume in front of the computer nerd.

When you get out of work you two go to drink coffee in some cafe. It feels great to have someone to talk to who doesn't use drugs, cause you nightmares, talk all the time or make you clean. You just don't tell him that.

    Coming back to home is rather awkward. When you open the door Kankri pushes you out of the apartment with him. Before you can even open your mouth to ask what the heck is going on he is being the one who talks first;

\- Brother dear, your roommate made quite clear that you... What is the most appropriate way to say this... Heard me and Kurloz doing things that you and Gamzee might find triggering. Am I right?

You rise your eyebrows and look into your older brother's eyes with confused but  understanding expression on your pale face. The look on your face seems to show what you think or he can't stand a moment without saying a word.

\- I said my apologies to younger Makara already where he answered with rather rude language, but I doubt he meant anything bad. But I want to apologize what I have done. he says which makes you more cranky.

\- Apologize what? That you had sex with my boyfriends brother in our living room? That's not what you have to be sorry about. What you have to be fucking sorry about is that all these years I have been taking all that stupid celibate and virgin shit from you. And suddenly you have a goddamn one night sex thing! you yell so loud you are sure that Makaras heard you. He is silent for the first fucking time. And then he drops the bomb.

\- It... The thing between Kurloz and me is not just a one night thing. We are in a relationship.

The next sentence which you let out from your lips was so loud, full of confusing and swear words so someone under you yelled to shut your mouth. 

The next two hours the four of you sat on the living room and talked about it. You didn't want to but Kankri did not leave you alone without an explanation. He told you how he and Kulroz met in school and it just happened. Mostly because the older Makara is 'such a great listener'.

The meeting was all about you listening Kankri, and trying to escape from the situation, and juggalo brothers being quiet and not giving a fuck about it.

    When your brother is sure you and Gamzee are not triggered by the relationship between Kurloz and him, Makaras just suddenly disappear. Well, not disappear because the one with the clown makeup tells you that they have some business to do. You don't even want to know so you let it be.

You and your brother spend some more something that he calls 'quality time'. Which means you try to watch a movie and he points out every part he doesn't understand.

When the movie is over you tell him about your job which makes him interested. He asks if he can come and see you working tomorrow. The idea of Kankri watching you work is slightly making you nervous but you also want to show him that you are doing fine, working and being independent all the way, so you do not deny it.

    You didn't sleep until you heard Gamzee and Kurloz coming home. Kankri was asleep but you think he woke up when Kurloz sneaked in the living room. If you can call it sneaking, he thumbled over ten bottles.

When Gamzee crawled on the bed, you told him to shut up before he even said anything. You don't know why but all you wanted now was to make a quiet and peaceful love with that stupid clown.

Apparently he had bought lube at this time, so it was so much easier to do it. You rode on him because you wanted to be in control for once. You let out few whines in the beginning, you felt so full. He caressed your pelvis and whispered how "motherfucking good you are".

You think you heard him calling your name while you both came. You are not sure since you were deep in euphoria.

    When you woke up from your four hours of sleep your brother was already drinking his morning coffee and stuff. You get cleaned up walk to the door, Kankri following you. From the corner of you eye you see Kurloz sleeping on the couch wearing just purple underwear with small skulls. You think it looks creepy.

On your way, Kankri reports you how excited he is to see how you are working like a mature adult. Sometimes you want to record his rambling so you can see if the recorder explodes.

\- Gooood morning, Karkat and..! Someone who looks like Karkat? Feferi marvels happily. You sigh when you see your brother open his mouth.

\- My name is Kankri Vantas, I noticed that you remarked how Karkat and I look alike. That's because I am his older brother. he explains to Feferi who smiles widely. It looks like he expected Kankri to be more like you.

\- I'm Feferi Peixes, the boss of Karkat. she acknowledges and reaches to shake hands with Kankri, who looks so much cleaner than you.

Kankri seems like he excpected Feferi to ask if he would like to have a physical contact with her, but shakes Feferi's hand.

\- How lovely. Oh, my mother is coming for a visit today. She owns this place so be charming to her, will you Karcrab? she requests and you nod. Wait, did she just do a fish pun?!

    At this time you are cleaning the floors. Feferi is keeping some company for your brother. You can hear them talking about global problems and oceans.

Then it's the worst moment of the day. Dressing up. When you walk out of the room where you dressed up, you thought this day would not get any worse. Oh how wrong you were.

You strike against something. Or. Someone.

\- And what do we have here? you hear rather smug voice which belongs to a woman. You look upwards and see an older woman(she looks 37 years old) who has a long and curly ebony hair, pink eyeglasses and lots of jewerly and makeup. She looks like one of those aging fashion models who likes to hit paparazzis with their purses.

\- Feferi should have told me that she hired a little boy so... Sadly cute. she chuckles and pinches your cheek. You cock your eyebrows and back off a little.

\- And who the heck are you? you ask. She laughs and pats your head. This situation is making you slightly fucking uncomfortable already.

\- You can call me Condy, little crab, I own this place. she answers with a smile. You are pretty sure she could eat you.

\- It is always fun to see how people like you... Are willing to do anything so they can have money. the woman said with some what pitying tone.

\- Listen here, lady..! you are about to roar but then someone leaves you wordless.

\- Excuse me but what makes you better than these people who does, like pronounced, anything for money? you hear Kankri's voice next to you and Condy.

The witch of a woman stared at your brother quietly until she bursted in to a laugh.

\- Maybe I didn't make my statement clear enough. You see, we are all equal, and we all have rights to do our best in society with out anyone triggering us with rather rude opinions. Of course you can have opinions, but you should polish them a little so they would not make anyone feel themselves threatened. Kankri states while you want to rip the flooring off and hide under the ground.

\- Kankri can you shut your mouth for a one fucking second? you inquire. Before he tells you to clean your language, you both hear sarcastic clapping.

\- Well I'm... Impressed. You two dolphinetly would be stand-up comedians. It's  almost pitiful how you try to make this world better with your speeches. But it just doesn't go that way. You see, I'm on top of you since I'm rich and own restaurants all over the world. It's like we own you. Actually, I own this crabby little thing here because he works for me. Condy smirks and pinches your cheek. You notice how Kankri is opening his mouth again so you try to change the subject. Even thought you wanted to yell and throw the lady with a plate.

\- Kankri, I think Kurloz is awake... Go and make some breakfast for him. Or some other shitty relationship things which I don't want to even know about. you command and push him to the door. From the corner of your brown eyes, you can see how Feferi is waving at your brother. This is gonna be one hell of a day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the massive hiatus, but I'm back with the final chapter. It is awfully short because I wanted to get this off my back. Enjoy!

You feel how she is staring at you, even thought your glare is on the ground. The witch. You don't get it. Feferi is sweet and kind but her mother... Your boss, is evil and from deepest parts of hell. Or so you thought after she made you to keep her company. You tried to tell her that you have some real work to do. She told you that making her amused is a better job.  
So here you are, sitting face to face with Condy, still wearing that horrible suit.  
\- It's not your fault that you always look like you smell somefin bad. Like. If you have lived your childhood with that little worldsaver, I dolphinetly understand why you are such a butthurt. she suddenly speaks with no classy tone. You roll your eyes for tenth time now.  
\- Would you just shut your fucking mouth already? you snap, causing the she devil to giggle.  
\- Whale obviously we have a little anger issues here. she coos and tries to pinch your cheek. Once again. But you move your chair away from her so she can't touch you. She chuckles and leans against the table with her elbows.  
\- What if... You would work for me? she asks suddenly which makes you slightly confused.  
\- If you have not noticed I'm wearing a fucking crab costume just because of this place, I suggest you to go to a doctor so they can check if under that fucking fishing web there's a possibility of a brain damage. you say and cock your eyebrows. She looks more amused that she was before.  
\- What I meant was that you would work as my assistant.  
\- ...No way. you reply. You are so not going to work as an assistant for that sea bitch.  
\- I double your salary. she coaxes.  
\- Deal. you say with out thinking. And you are already regretting it. Dammit.  
On your way to home you go and buy a new romcom. It's about a time for you to get a reward after all this shit.

 

Back in front of the building which you can call a home. Someone might call it a slum but... Okay, now you are calling it a slum since you heard a glass shaddering from somewhere near. You open the door of your apartment. Awfully quiet... Did Kankri finally choke on his own tongue?  
\- There you are, Karkat. apparently not.  
\- We were waiting for you to come home so we could say goodbye, since Kurloz and I are leaving today. Our vacation has come to its end you see. Kankri acknowledges. Wait. Is it over this soon? Your useless little mind is losing its sense of time...  
\- Did you mean you are saying good bye? I haven't fucking heard that douche ass butterface say even a one sentence. you rant like the skeleton themed juggalo wasn't standing behind your brother with the most stupid expression on his face.  
\- Now now, brother, there's no need to use that kind of language towards anyone. That might trigger someone. Kankri dictates. You let out a frustrated sigh.  
\- If that fucking triggers him, he can let me know. He can also let his brother who uses 'motherfuck' after every other word know. you say as you roll your eyes. And just when you almost swear that older Makara is about to say something, he is stopped by Kankris voice.  
\- Actually I haven't seen your boyfriend for hours. Neither has Kurloz. I think he went outside. I'm quite chagrined that I can't say goodbye to him. He is well mannered even thought he could decrease his swearing. But I'm sorry but we must leave. I will let you know when I'm home. Goodbye, Karkat. your brother says and hugs you carefully. Kurloz waves at you and soon they are gone.  
Wow. That went fast. But the most important thing here is, where the hell is that stupid clown?

 

It's evening and you are sitting on a couch, tears falling down your cheeks. The movie you bought was awfully touchy.  
Still not hearing anything about Gamzee. Your brainless boyfriend should stop playing these stupid 'oh let's scare the shit out of Karkat and disappear for a while' games. But you will show him. You go out and let him panic.  
It's dark outside and maybe a little cold. Then you start walking to the direction where you have never been yet. It's even more shabby than the place you two live. There's few walls with out windows in some buildings.  
\- Hey little bitch, where are you going? you hear someone yelling from the darkness. You turn around to tell that rude douche ass idiot to shut up. Or to see how someone hits you right on your face. You feel how you fall on the ground. Everything is all blurry. You stutter few words, but then you hear footsteps and a familiar voice.  
\- GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE BEFORE I MOTHERFUCKING SLAM YOUR ASS AGAINST THE WALL AND BITE YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF. you hear Gamzee yell. You are with the darkness now.

 

What happened?  
\- Are you awake, Karkles? someone asks and you try to stand up, but you can't. You are tied up on a chair.  
\- What..? You ask and open your eyes. The light is hurting your eyes so you bite your lower lip to stop yourself from groaning. Then you notice Gamzee next to you. The whole situation is confusing and terrifying. Are you dreaming again? No. This is real.  
\- Gamzee, what the hell is going on? you ask carefully. He smiles devilishly and moves in front of you.  
\- You know what I hate? When you always sneak around and play Nancy motherfucking Drew and I don't know if I should save you or motherfucking bash your brains out. he sighs. You can't see his face correctly and you're not sure if you even want to. Gamzee's voice and attitude is like straight from your nightmares.  
\- Are you out of your fucking mind right now..? Let me go and we can talk about this. you say with a shivering tone. You try not to seem like you are about to shit in your pants.  
\- Karkat, I love you. But you need to wake the fuck up. And you haven't motherfucking done it yet so I have to motherfucking do it for you. the clown tells you now with a slighlty serious tone. You don't understand what the ever living fuck is going on right now. What does he mean by waking up. Then you see him taking a tiny knife out of the pocket of his saggy trousers. Your first move is to try move away from that knife but you can't. You are still tied up on that freaking chair.  
He then moves that knife closer to your exposed arm. You didn't even notice your sleeves were rolled up. Suddenly you feel pain on your right arm and you let out a scream. Gamzee had cut you so sharply that you also felt blood starting to drip from the cut.  
\- Awwh, come on, Karkles. Smile a little, you're about to wake up. he tells you with no hint of actual sympathy in his voice. Then he moves his face closer to yours and you can see him. His makeup is all smeared around and he looks at you with a happy expression. You let out a quiet whimper.  
\- I know. We should make you smile. Say 'aah'! Gamzee tells you and shoves the knife inside your mouth. You didn't even have a chance to resist. You can feel how the knife is piercing your cheek while you whine in pain.  
\- Wake up! he growls loudly. And you do wake up.

 

Everything is white. The walls, the floor and even the ceiling if you don't count a small yellow spot in there. This place looks like a hospital room but there's only a bed and a tiny table. So it can't be a normal hospital. You can hear someone open the door which makes you to move in the corner between bed and walls. You see a tall dark woman with short red hair.  
\- Good morning, Karkat. I didn't expect you to be responsive to anything today. she says with a tender voice.  
\- Who the hell are you..? And where the hell am I? you ask while frowning.  
\- I am Kanaya Maryam, your personal psychologist. You are in a psychiatric hospital. she tells you like it's a habit to her. You seem to have a very confused look on your face because she keeps explaining:  
\- You have been here since the bus accident one year ago. All your classmates died, including your presumable boyfriend Gamzee Makara. You were the only surviver and couldn't take it. You have had episodes of hallucinative psychosis.  
It all comes back to your mind right now. All of them died, even Gamzee. You want to scream as loud as you can and so you do. Kanaya frowns at you.  
\- Don't worry, Karkat. We can make this all stop. We just change your medication. she comforts you and leaves the room with a tiny smile on her face.

 

If you're correct it's been two weeks since you woke up. They have changed your medication and everyday Kanaya or some other doctor asks how are you feeling. You always answer something like "I'm fucking fine, sun is shining and birds are singing. Oh wait, I can't tell because that shit print you call a window is up so high I can't reach to see it." Or just boring and neutral "I'm alright."  
They are all fucking idiots. You don't even take your pills or if you do, not correctly. You never took them. They want you to stay here and forget your friends and you don't want that. You don't want to be a normal douchebag who forgets about everything for a house on the beach, kids and a dog called Harold or Harold number two. You are getting dizzy and that's a good sign. You wonder what you should dream about next. You smile a little and close your eyes. When you open them you can see Gamzee's stupid but lovable clown face. This is not the hospital room anymore. This is his home just like you remember it. Bottles, clothes, few romcom dvds near tv for you and other shit like that everywhere.  
\- Hey, best friend. he says. You rush into his arms.  
\- Shut up, shithead. Is this a dream?  
\- Yup.  
Perfect. Nothing can't take you away from here. You'll always come back. Back in your own world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry. But I appreciate all of you who have read this and waited for me to write some more and get this finished. Thank you.


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